Thursday, December 16, 2010

Day 17: Still Freezing

I'm probably never going to get over how gigantic I feel while wearing skinny jeans.  That's why I always layer over a tunic or a short dress.  On this day it was about... oh, minus eleventy million degrees outside.  I wore this underneath my puffy knee-length parka for most of the day spent outside.

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The face is cropped out due to weirdness, but you didn't need to see it anyway. ;)

Hairy vest: Old Navy

Hooded sweater:  Gap

Boy beater:  Calvin Klein

Jeans:  Guess

Boots:  Walmart special!

Necklace:  Orangyred Ink from Etsy (more on this later!)

That's all,



Sunday, December 12, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

Day 16: Slow and Steady

A funny thing happened.  It started snowing a lot.  I started getting cold, and I started wanting to wear warm things.  Warm things such as this faux fur vest that I used to hate.  I've been warm, and I've been liking it.  This is me, warm:

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Shirt, skirt, vest, leggings:  Old Navy

Boots:  George

I have tried it with skinnies as well, which will most likely be my next post.  We shall see.

That's all,



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

12-15: Catching Up

I'll admit that I've been living mostly in boy-beaters and yoga pants for the past few days.  Today I was feeling better so I decided to just play with my clothes as if I were a child playing dress up, and dammit, it's fun!  I should do that more often!  Something I learned:  Who says you can't do smoky eyes with red lips?  Rules were made to stomp on, I say.  Preferably in monster platforms like these.

I started with this:

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Added the skirt, headband and lipstick:

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Then stripped back down to the dress, changed out the boots for my Litas and added a hairy vest.

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Then I took the vest off because I realise that I do hate it after all.  Loathe entirely!

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This is me, loathing entirely.

Then I stayed that way for the rest of the day, other than to swap out the cute shoes for rubber boots since it was raining.  The frown might have possibly stayed as well. :)

Dress, skirt, vest:  Old Navy

Cummerbund:  Aldo

Tights:  Payless

Boots:  George

Booties:  Jeffrey Campbell

Headband:  Zellers

For some reason I never seem to realise precisely how short my skirts and dresses are until I see there here.  For years I've never known, I swear!  It's all good though; I'm 31 and I happen to be someone's mom, but I'm not dead yet.

That's all,



Monday, November 29, 2010

Day 11: Purple Rain

It's hella cold right now.  Why can't I just wear this dress for the rest of the challenge?  It's made of corduroy and it's so warm!  In posting this I just realised that I'm not just black, white, grey and red.  I'm also kind of purple as well.  Day 11 and I'm still learning things.

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Ignore the camera flash; here's a picture where I don't look quite so awkward!

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Dress, leggings:  Old Navy

Burnout Tee, belt:  Joe

Socks:  Some gun company like Winchester or Remington or something.  Thanks, daddy!

Boots:  Doc Martens

Ring:  Found inside the wall of an old house, lol

Bracelet:  gifted

Watch:  Funky Laura on Etsy

Also, ignore my incredibly unladylike pose in the second photo.  I do have dress-etiquette, I swear!  My mother did actually teach me how to get in and out of cars in miniskirts without flashing my ladybits to the world as well, thank you. :P  There will be no "Pulling a Britney" up in here.

That's all,



Friday, November 26, 2010

Day 10: Meh

I felt weird in this outfit:

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Just because the jacket is grey.  I felt so weird, in fact, that I had to take it off and freeze:

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So this is rather uninspired, but I felt comfortable which is what's important.

Shirt:  Old Navy

Pants:  The Hudson's Bay Company

Belt:  Le Chateau

Shoes:  Jeffrey Campbell Lita

Perhaps attributing to the feeling of weirdness is this natural hair kick I've been on lately.  Get thee to a straightener!

That's all,



Thursday, November 25, 2010

Day 9: Derby Day

Last night was my last night of roller derby for the 2010 season, and now I have to wait until spring of 2011 to get back on skates!  I celebrated/mourned the end of season by hanging out in my derby "boutfit" all day.  Normally I feel awkward taking my pictures every day and you can see it all over my face.  This picture cracks me up because I didn't feel awkward but... look what happened:

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Shirt:  Uniform

Booty Shorts:  Old Navy

Tights:  American Apparel, Joe and Ardene

Socks:  Ardene

Arm warmers:  DIY

Raddest skates in the universe:  Riedell Diablo

Photobombers:  My spawn

Then of course I had a parent-teacher interview at school...  So I decided to change into something a little more mainstream.  I kept the tights on, if only because they're so damn hard to squeeze in and out of when you wear three pairs at once.  Four if you count the DIY arm warmers.

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Jacket:  Smart Set

Tank:  Calvin Klein

Skirt: F21

Tights:  See above

Boots:  Aldo

The season may have just ended, but I'm looking forward to what the next few months will bring.  So exciting!

That's all,



Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day 8: Nothing is Black!

Everything I learned about mixing stripes and plaids, I learned from watching "Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter's Dead".

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Stray baby-head in the mirror:

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I'm just goofing around... I don't really meditate like this.  See me trying not to smirk?

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I feel like congratulating myself once again, there is nothing black about this outfit at all!  And!  I live in Canada and for some reason it was warm enough to go outside in this today without a coat!

Hat: Gap

Sweater, scarf:  Stitches

Tuxedo shirt that you can't really see:  Old Navy

Jeans:  Joe

Boots:  Doc Martens

Rings:  Gifted

Brooch:  Lol.  It was attached to some chocolate-covered coffee beans from Timothy's Coffee last Christmas.  But it's shiny!

That's all,



Sunday, November 21, 2010

Derby Style

I'm taking a moment away from my 30 for 30 challenge to post one of my derby outfits.  If there ever was a better excuse to dress like a hoochie, I haven't found one yet.  This is not my team, nor my colours, but it was my favourite team for years before I had a league of my own to fall in love with.  I think I have actually worn this same outfit to one of their bouts, minus the helmet of course, with my silver Doc Martens.

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Smoke City Betties, bitches!

That's all,



Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 7: Derby Inspired

My roller derby season ends after next week's practice, and I'm going to miss it terribly.  I decided today to wear a pair of my derby socks, though I slouched them down a little so as not to look too much like I'm wearing a costume.

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Close-up of accessories:

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Cardigan/Shrug thingy:  George

Striped tee, jersey fold-over skirt, leggings:  Old Navy

Socks:  Ardene

Boots:  Aldo

Skull watch:  A great Etsy find

Rings:  Two were found, one turned my sister's finger green but not mine (lol)

Belt:  Joe

I tried so hard to remove the red eye from the photo, but every time I did it made me look as if I had black eyes.  I don't know what I was doing wrong. :(  I'll remember to not stare at the flash next time, I swear!  Day 7 of 30 accounted for!

That's all,



Friday, November 19, 2010

How to Be Milfy: The Packaging

No 30 for 30 post today though I have by no means given up the challenge, it's just taking me forever!  I thought I'd mix it up a little with a guide.  This post originally appeared on my other blog, I've just re-worked it to remove a small amount of vulgarity and to calm my sailor's mouth.  Slightly.  Please note for those who do not read my other blogs, I heart sarcasm a great deal.

A big part of being and staying Milfy is how you dress for the part. This is not about size, this is about knowing how to dress for your size and your particular shape. Over at You Look Fab, Angie has put together what she calls "The Flop Proof Outfit". You can read about it here. You can also refer to this outfit as the "What Not to Wear" casual outfit.

Now I know it's kind of boring, but heck you can't break the rules unless you know them first. Not everyone can strut it like me in a pair of knee-high silver Doc Martens and a skirt the size of a dinner napkin. This will come later. I myself have spent many years dressing as if I were several sizes larger, but after faking the confidence for a while, eventually I found that I actually had it for real. (Now if I could just tone the ego down slightly, I think I'd have it going on.)

So the first thing, The Jeans. Mom jeans. You know you've seen them. High-waisted, saggy assed, pleated, acid washed, tapered leg, hell, even gunty. *gasp* Yes. Gunty! Just generally ill-fitting and ugly. Get rid of them! Don't even give them to Goodwill, cut them up into tiny pieces so that no one will be able to wear them EVER AGAIN. I'm not against recycling, I'm just against bad fashion.  I'd hate to always be picking on Jessica, but you do NOT want your butt to look like that. 

Get some that fit well, and the darker the better. This might take you years! Once you find a pair of jeans that fit you perfectly, stock up on them! It's not as if they ever go out of style. You don't have to go for the skinnies if you think they make you look like a bowling pin, but the thing is, we never look as big as we think we are. (And they fit great when you tuck them into your boots!) Take a girlfriend or your best gay with you, someone who can be honest and who will tell you if you look awful. Even if they say you do look awful  but you feel good in them, give them a whirl anyway.  

Try on many different styles, even if you think you hate them. Also, if you have the problem that I have with the waistband gaping at the back because you actually have an ass, I recommend getting them tailored. You will wear them more if you don't have to keep hiking them up from exposing your butt crack. Just say no to crack, but don't hike them up under your breasts, either.  I've also found that if you wear a belt that is elasticized at the back, it makes your pants crack-proof.  Great tip. 

Okay, so next is the shirt. On You Look Fab it says "shirt or girly top".  Nope.  Titty top. You want to show off what you've got. If you're worried about stray motor-boaters, then wear a camisole underneath for some coverage. But I'm telling you, let those girls out to play once in a while. You don't have to push them up under your chin like Jessica Simpson, but live a little.

Jacket. This means "tailored jacket". Something that has a shape. You can find a combat-jacket that nips in at the waist if that's your style. Your options are unlimited. There are blazers, motorcycle jackets, leather, pleather, even a cardigan if you live in Mr. Rogers' neighbourhood, which I do. ;)

Heels. Yes. Heels. Again, you don't have to go all porny with the shoes if you don't feel comfortable that way. Stilettos are better because we want to create long lines visually, but if you like those little coloured ballet flats feel free to wear them if you're worried about comfort. And don't just get black! Have fun with the shoes. Try some boots, even.

Statement bag. I fail miserably at this. The statement that my bag makes is that I'm a Mom and I have to carry everyone else's stuff around. This is not the ideal. You don't have to match it with the shoes, but for Buddha's sake don't use the same one until it falls apart. I keep all of my stuff in little wallets, change purses or tiny make-up bags so that when I need to switch purses it only takes a few seconds as I'm flying out the door.

Let us say that you're like me and have a problem with authority. You want to break the rules! Break one at a time. See how it works for you, and if it does, break a few more! Add some accessories! Play with colours and fabrics! But most of all, have fun. Strut. Say, "I am Milfy, hear me roar!" *rawr*; and let yourself believe it.   It did work for me. 


That's all,


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Day 6: What the Hair?

I felt weird in this outfit; the proportions were off.  Whatever possessed me to buy a hairy vest like this?  Why did I choose it as one of my 30 items when I've never worn it before?!!  Bright side:  I was really warm today.  And!  These jeans are outside of my comfort zone as well, but they cost me 7 dollars at the grocery store.  Yes, the grocery store!  I usually like them dark, but at seven dollars, I don't mind experimenting.

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Shirt, jeans:  Joe

Hairy vest, braclets:  Old Navy

Belt:  Le Chateau

Shoes:  Jeffrey Campbell

That's all,



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Day 5: Back to Black

I felt more like myself in this outfit.  No colour at all!  Monochromatic + Carrie Bradshaw bun makes me happy.

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Striped turtleneck, Smart Set

Dress, Old Navy

Tights, Joe

Boots, Aldo

Belt, Daddy's

Earrings, gifted.

Looking at pictures of myself every day is giving me the impression that all of my skirts are really, really short.  Even the ones that I consider "long".  Day 5 and already I'm learning valuable things. :P

That's all,



Sunday, November 14, 2010

Day 4: Mom! I Can See Your Bra!

But at least it was black?  Day 4 and already the no-shopping thing is getting to me.  I can be fine with not shopping for a long time, but tell me I can't shop?  Oh, hell no!  I saw a killer pair of OTK's that I am fiending right now... but that's the point of this exercise, non?  If I still want them after the end of the 30 days, then that would mean that it would be a wise purchase.  (As long they don't make me look like a street walker.)  So, you people can't see my bra, but when I took the jacket off the children were scandalized.  You'd think they'd be used to it by now?


So this is weird, but as the camera caught me hurrying to get into place before the timer went off, it captured a picture of me from the side.  I knew that I felt stronger since I started doing roller derby, but now I can see that I'm starting to look stronger as well.  That was a wake-up call for me.  Is it normal to want to see if you can bounce a quarter off your own ass?  Someday...




Velvet blazer, Smart Set; purple burnout tee, Joe; tuxedo pants, Old Navy; shoes, Jeffrey Campbell Lita; necklace, courtesy of Rebecca at Bumble Beads (thank you!)

So this is not quite all-black, but still well within my comfort zone.  I almost can't wait to get dressed tomorrow.

That's all,



Saturday, November 13, 2010

Day 3: Je Me Souviens

Day 3 happened on Remembrance Day here in Canada.  It was a sunny day, and I was a little sad that I was going to go to the parade but that I couldn't dress up like a pin-up girl just for kicks.  Since I didn't have the right items included in my 30 for 30, I decided that the denim pencil skirt that I did include would have to do, and that it was more sensible for the weather conditions anyway.

Weird, sunny looking picture:

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This is me, moving forward to turn the camera off.

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Not feeling smiley at all:

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Hat, Gap; black shrug, George; blue shirt, Old Navy; denim pencil skirt, Old Navy; leggings, old as dirt; boots, Aldo.  Hopefully next week I won't be making sad little "I'm sick" faces?  I will get better at this whole picture-taking thing, I hope.

That's all,



Friday, November 12, 2010

30 For 30: Day 2

This is my second attempt at this 30 for 30 Challenge.  I've had a nasty cold for the past week so what better to brighten my mood than a Joey Jeremiah fedora?  A friend once looked over my outfit once and exclaimed, "Where would you wear something like that?!"  Oh, the joys of a small town, where even wearing coloured tights is considered suspect!

So where did I wear a fedora in Elvistown, population 1800?  The post office, the grocery store, the kids' karate class, the nursing home, then home for a quick change into my roller derby attire before making the trek to practice.  I didn't notice if anyone stared, but at least no one asked me why I was wearing this.  Progress?

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Sans fedora, sans specs, avec le hat-head

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Nerd Alert!  ;)

Navy shirt:  Old Navy; white tank:  Calvin Klein; grey skirt, Old Navy; stirrup tights:  DKNY; boots:  Doc Martens; fedora:  pilfered from my son.  You'll notice that only the fedora is black!  That just might make me want to wear an all-black ensemble tomorrow.  We shall see.

That's all,



*p.s.  Did anyone else notice that I look like a giant?  I'm not really a giraffe, I swear.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Day One

I got my nine year old to take my picture outside today, which is why there's only one.  If he expects me to help him with his paper route, boy is going to have to develop some photography skills.  Just kidding.  (but not really)  Anyway, this was the only one which was not blurry and/or freakishly lit, but you really don't need to see my face or head at all.

For my first outfit post, I took inspiration from the Oscar-winning (okay, not really but they were robbed!) film "Adventures in Babysitting".  I included a clip!  You can either skip to around 6 minutes when she arrives at the house, or to around 7:20 when she takes off her coat, but really you should just watch the whole thing because this movie is pure magic.  So much 80s gold, so little time.

So here is my version:  less colourful and with hotter shoes.

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Coat, Dress:  Old Navy

Scarf:  Left behind at our house by an ex-boyfriend of my sister (finders keepers)

Skinnies:  Guess

Shoes:  Jeffrey Campbell Lita 

Sunglasses:  Prescription

One day down, 29 to go.

That's all,



Monday, November 8, 2010

30 For 30 Items

I'm getting off to a rather late start with this project after a very busy weekend, but better late than never.   Choosing 30 items to wear for the next 30 days is not as easy at it may seem!  Before letting myself get too wordy, on to the photos!

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Footwear:  It's cold in Canada!  I fought so hard to not add Uggs into the mix, but I can't really wear shoes because there is a very real possibility that it's going to be snowing by the end of this challenge.  So, from left to right:  Grey slouch boots, George; Black flat boots, Aldo; Silver Doc Martens; Red Jeffrey Campbell Lita booties.

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Bottoms:  Black jersey fold-over skirt, Old Navy; grey ruffled skirt, Old Navy; black asymmetrical hem skirt, F21; Denim pencil skirt, Old Navy; Black tuxedo pants, Old Navy; light wash jeans, Joe; Guess skinnies; black wide-leg trousers, The Bay

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Tops and Dresses:  White beater, Calvin Klein; red sleeveless, Old Navy; purple burnout tee, Joe; navy button-down, Old Navy; bright blue cowl-neck dolman, Old Navy; striped turtleneck, Smart Set; floral blouse, Old Navy; striped tee, Old Navy; black 3/4 sleeve, Joe; both dresses, Old Navy

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Sweaters and Jackets:  black shrug, George; white cable-knit, Old Navy; grey blazer, Old Navy; black velvet blazer, Smart Set; grey shawl cardigan, Bluenotes; sweater, Gap; hairy vest, Old Navy

Something I have learned from choosing my items?  I need to stop shopping so much at Old Navy, and since when did I become a member of the Addams family?!!  You have no idea how many black items I had to put back in the closet!  It was a huge effort for me to choose things that were not either grey or black, and some of the things I chose just because they were colour-based are things that I rarely ever wear.  So other than finding out that I dress like Goth Mom, I'm looking forward to the next phase of this challenge:  the remixing!  Onward!

That's all,



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

New Beginnings

I've been wanting to tackle a project like this for quite some time.  I read about... a million personal style blogs and have always thought that it would be great to do this myself.  I just needed to get over the feeling that it's narcissistic to take pictures of yourself every day just to show off your clothes.  I think I may be over it now.

I've always loved "playing dress up" ever since I was a child, and this has carried over into my adult life.  The fact that I'm a mother should not limit my fashion choices.  No mom-jeans, please!  God gave me legs and I'm going to show them, dammit!  It's difficult for me, living in such a small town because there aren't very many people who "get" me.  I get stared at, I get comments like "Why are you so dressed up?" because many women pick their kids up from school in their pajamas!  Not I.  I'm the mom in the fedora, brightly coloured tights and platform shoes.  I can't see this changing just because I'm in my thirties now.

I need a kick in the pants, though.  Since I'm a house-milf, meaning that I don't go outside of the home to work every day, my tenacity often falls short.  What better to give me a kick in the pants than a group project?  Enter Kendi from Kendi Everyday!  She's unbearably cute and funny, and she organises something called the 30 for 30.  Here are her rules for the challenge, cut and pasted directly from her site:

1. Pick out 30 items from your closet. Shoes are included in the count, coats and accessories (i.e. tights, jewelry, hats, gloves, and so on are not.) I won't use a coat yet here in Texas, but you might in say Chicago so I don't want to penalize you for Mother Nature's wily ways.

2. Remix the 30 items into 30 or more outfits.

And that's it! Ok -- not totally.

3. No shopping for 30 days.

So the whole "No shopping for 30 days" thing almost killed it for me, but I think it will be a good thing.  It's about learning to work with what you have.  It's zen-like, even!  If anything it will force me to be creative and to keep on top of my laundry situation.

I have to modify mine though, because I need to change into an outlandish outfit every Wednesday evening for roller derby.  I'm not going to include those items in my 30 for 30, but I may possibly photograph them just because derby is hella cool and I just can't seem to stop talking about it.

I am looking forward to starting my challenge, continuing on with this blog and seeing what the future holds for me and my clothes. ;)

That's all,